Week 3: Myself

I am woman.

I love my God.

I am a mom.

I am a wife.

I am a daughter.

I am a sister.

I am a friend.

I can be your friend.

I cry when I'm happy, I cry when I'm sad.

I laugh heartily.

I love with all my might.

I can forget. I try to forgive.

I like red.

I love my husband.

I love my boys.

I cherish my friends and my family.

I like tulips and daisies.

I like desserts.

I like to be with friends.

I like to be alone too.

I like dates with my husband.

I love organizing parties.

I love preparing for the people I care about.

You are more than welcome to be in my world!

Week 2: My Friends

My friends are from all over the world. I have met them in different times and places. They have become part of my life. They are my sons' godparents. I am one of their children's godparents as well. I have a handful of old ones and a few good new ones. I constantly check on my friends, although not as regular as I used to (this poor momma has quite a lot on her plate!). I try to keep in touch with them, so we share each other's struggles and joys. Some are not good with that, some are not technologically friendly (LOL!), while some are always there -- constantly.

Lately, a few have been overwhelming. Some have become sad and painful. Some just unfolded like wonderful surprises. Some ended up sour and bitter. A few have left. I wish them well. In the same token, I am grateful for the friends I have kept all throughout these years... way back from grade school and up to the new ones like my next door neighbors =)

Week 1: My Family

My not so little family make my day! I am surrounded by boys... what can I say? This household is nothing but fun and chaotic!!! My husband toils daily for bacon and bread, insert diapers and milk too LOL! I have the luxury of being with the kids at home. Am I crazy for saying "luxury"? Perhaps I am. Let's just say that I am grateful that this is my role in this family. I am woman, wife, mom, and friend to all of them.

Our weekday grind starts with the two little milk critters crying. Mostly it's the little one that wakes up way before our alarm goes off. Most days, my husband indulges me to sleep a little and he take care of the two. Then I'd wake up to take care of the biggest boy before he goes to school. I prepare breakfast and packed lunch for him and my husband. All these commotion while the two babies are lulled back to sleep after their first round of milk.

When the biggest boy goes to school, I either nap when they nap or I become this headless chicken doing one million things at the same time (in my head). I blink and it's time for me to fetch my eldest from the school bus stop. Then it's snacks time, homework, play, bath, dinner, clean up, reading, prayer, and the bed time. The kids are usually fed before their Dad gets home. This way, they can just play while I catch up with husband. Down time is spent with both of us talking or watching something together. Other nights it is spent apart, one computer on each lap hehehe!

Weekends are spent with church, chores, errands, or taking the kids to play outside be it at the museums, playground, mall, playdates, and whatnots. Oftentimes, my husband and I would go out on a date without the kids.  On days when we don't go out, the kids play a lot with their Dad and I try to catch up on whatever it is (mostly I just sleep).

My young family is a testament to God's grace. I am grateful that He entrusted me with this responsibility. I will try to become the mother and wife these boys deserve. And despite my being, these boys put up with me. So what can I say? =P

(source: bloghackz.com)

So, I finally finished the 30 day blog challenge albeit not in 30 days hahaha!!! I thought that was fun and a refreshing exercise, thank you Kaith! For another round of fun blog topics, let us turn it into a quite sophisticated way of tagging our friends! 

Week 1: About your family

Week 2: About your friends

Week 3: About yourself

Week 4: About your home/house

Week 5: About your favorite food/restaurants

Week 6: About your favorite TV shows

Week 7: About your favorite hobby

Week 8: About the books you read

Calling Kaith, Jane, Fil, Lynette, Chelo, Jopie, Malou, Liza, Chichi, and Patricia!

Day 30: Happy Moments

Need I say more? Happy moments are shared with my family! And I am grateful to have them in my life.

Day 29: My Make-up Bag

After quite a long break from this blog, I finally got myself together this morning to take pictures of my little make up bag. Compared to the caboodle I once owned, to which this little bag was once a part of, these treats are really basic. I have started yet again to "add" things after I threw away stuff I have had for a couple of years already. Yes, it is a must to clean up that make up bag!

Let's start with what I have for the eyes. So I have two kinds of mascara -- Maybelline Volume Express One by One which gives me natural looking individual lashes, and Mary Kay which gives me a plump-ier lash. I've got the Maybelline Eye Studio with basic cream, brown, and green. I am not really comfortable using eye shadows. I think I do not look good with colors. I prefer just a little highlight and shimmer. And last but not the least, is my Mary Kay eye cream. I do not know if this cream really helps, but being in the mid 30s you have just got to believe and hope these creams do wonders.

For the face, I use a Aveda tinted moisturizer with SPF 15 in sandstone. I need to get a new one, I think this one is darker for me.  I also have Cover Girl Aqua Smooth with SPF 15 in buff beige. I rarely use it. Maybe when I feel like I need to cover my face. But, I don't like how it reveals my dry spots! Maybe this will do me well when I'm in Cebu (just like my MAC Studio Fix). And for that glow, I use Nars Super Orgasm. I don't use this blush often the way I used to because of its glitters (which makes this Super Orgasm). I plan to get the Nars Orgasm when I have time hehehe! Also shown are my brushes -- for the blush, foundation, and eye shadow.

For a perfect pucker or so, I pretty much use Burt's Bees tinted lip balm in Red Dahlia. This balm feels good and helps keep my lips moisturized. On days when I feel like making my lips a bit redder than usual, I use the Loreal Colour Riche Lipliner in Rouge. I line my lips then smudge it,with the lip balm and smack my lips hehehe! Fancier days call for Loreal Infallible Le Rouge #337 (refined ruby), then clear Loreal Le Gloss. For a shortcut, I use my Mary Kay lip gloss in Berry Sparkle.

That is the little red pouch that holds my vanity LOL! Also shown here is my Maybelline Super Stay 24hr Concealer in Medium Beige which I use sometimes to cover zits and dark eye bags. My Elizabeth Arden Green Tea, which I use to deodorize the toilets I use in public (to mask unwanted scent LOL!). I also have a sampler size of Eucerin moisturizer which comes in handy for a dry place like Colorado. And to keep my peepers moisturized, I always have my Opti Free eye drops to lubricate my eyes when I'm wearing my contact lenses on. Of course, the tweezers and the eyelash curlers!

I plan to add neutral shades for my lips and something smokey for the eyes... just in case hehehe! But really these things add color (literally and figuratively) to my dreary days...

There is no need to elaborate. No, I don't have a tattoo! And I don't plan to have one.

Day 27: Guilty Pleasures

• I feel guilty right after I am upset. I would always end up feeling like the worst person alive. I wish I don't have to be this impatient. I wish I don't have this short temper. I wish I will always be graceful under pressure. I wish I can manage my mind and control my reactions wisely.
• I feel guilty right after I talk about other people. Even if it's for fun or just a mention about another person in any of my conversation with my husband, family, friends, or peers. It just does not feel right. Although it can  be "rationalized" when I sort of rant and vent out frustrations and disappointments, I still can't be comfortable about it.
• I feel guilty when I hide things. I tend to keep things to myself until it just erupts without warning. Then, I get to be very illogical. I wish I can be expressive. Then maybe I can tame my temperament.
• I feel guilty when I buy things for myself. There is no point. I don't really need a lot. Besides, I do not go elsewhere. Being frivolous is like an illusion, and I am just kidding myself. No, these things do not make me pretty nor do they make me rich. They do not make me holy and they do not make me happy!
• I feel guilty when the house is dirty!

Day 26: Something I Am Excited About

Other than Christmas, which is just around the corner... I am very excited to be in Cebu soon! As to when, I don't know... may everything fall into place, as planned. I am already imagining the get-togethers with my closest friends and families, together with their children. It will be a lovely reunion! I can't wait, I can't wait.

Day 25: Five Messages

Dear Person #1: I thank God for you everyday! I like how we both have become over the years. I love the way we both are to each other. I love the way you love me... I love you, most of all! Life has become a wonderful adventure... Thank you for being mine!

Dear Person #2:  It's awesome how our lives have become so entangled like family. And that after all the dramas and pauses, we have become more and more the kindred spirits we knew we once were. How odd that is for two different people to share a lot of the same things! You are one of my constants, and I am grateful for that!

Dear Person #3: I wish you can keep the house clean daily, prettify daily, be graceful daily, be happy daily. And may you cast away the demons that have been clouding your sanity daily!

Dear Person #4: I wish you were still around. It would have been fun... 

Dear Person #5: You are L.O.V.E. and thank you so much for everything!

Last night I asked God to forgive my anger, to let go of my frustrations especially to oneself. To be free of certain inhibitions that drive me crazy most of the times and to choose happy no matter what. I pray that I will be an open vessel to whatever it is that I should be doing. That I might have the grace to do mundane things with so much love. And that I may inspire my children to be the same...

***

There have been a lot of disappointments lately, mostly from people I fondly called "friends". I want to be rid of sadness and the drama that comes along with it. I wish them well, wherever they are now. And if I have ever wronged them I wish they can forget about it eventually, whatever that maybe. It's odd to be out of the loop suddenly. The comfortable warmth that welcomes you then, now sends chills to the spine. That coldness and indifference, I wish to cast away. On the other hand, I am forever grateful to the few "constants" in my life! 

***

Christmas is here! I can feel it in the air! Christmas is also my anniversary month with the husband! We are going to celebrate our 8th year together! Yey! If I were to decide, I'd like a weekend with just us. As to its feasibility, we don't really know.  Gotta get back to my Christmas list and start planning that Christmas card before it is too darn late!

The Evil That Is...

Cramping, irritability, odd cravings, and really just madness... that is premenstrual only! It is even crazier than being pregnant! And all these went away... how do I explain it to myself? I feel the hormones as a lousy excuse. I am tired of it as an excuse. I don't like the thought that I do not own my body, mind, and spirit when I am possessed and consumed by its imbalance. Can nature really do this to me?

It is always a struggle to see myself losing it. I cried for help because I do not like of what has become of me. It's like a stranger, an evil witch, a psychotic on the loose! I want to be on top of it. It will be a choice. So I will mark this specific date in my calendar to warn myself of that nasty visitor.

How do I even exorcise it? 

L.O.V.E.

Thank you, for being mine!

That must have been the longest three days! I'm glad your retreat went well. It was good to see you again. Look, how happy I am in this picture and I guess you are too! It was so cute to rendezvous at Pastor's silver wedding anniversary yesterday. Oh I wonder how it must feel to have our vows renewed again... so sorry, I could not dance with you at the party. I don't know why that is, but I just can't. Anyway, I'm glad we went out for dinner before coming home. We needed that!

Well, yes! I have lots. Mostly from the same folks that I exchanged text messages with -- my husband, my bestfriend, my baby sitters/friends, close friends, and family. No, I didn't delete them. I don't see why I have to hehehe! But I try to clear old messages once in awhile...

Rescue Me

It felt like I was drowning with my own thoughts, worries, fears, chores, and crazy hormones. I feel bad for my sons who have to put with my temper tantrums when I just could not take it anymore. It is really shameful. I wish I can be very graceful at all times throughout the day, no matter how exhausted I am. I plan to work on it. I will come up with tricks on how to keep my neuroses and stress levels at a minimum. This way, there are no lovable bunch casualties. Heavens forbid that I may terrorize and traumatize them with my squeals. I can really be that scary. Mea culpa!

Two months ago, my eldest turned six! Yep! Where did the time go? We celebrated his birthday earlier in a nearby clubhouse with his friends. Angry birds rocked it! It was also in the same month that he got his first coup. It was scary. I lacked sleep and even if I need to sleep I just can't. The little ones got it too and more sleepless nights for me. This was also the time that I had to use an albuterol for chest pains and started taking my medications for very high triglycerides. Everything happened in my nook.... 

Day 22: An Inside Joke With Someone

My college superfriends have a lot of inside jokes. We were the 'corny' gang. We have had codenames to several of our classmates and teachers. Here's a few of many:

• caffeine (his name reminds us of a coffee brand)
• pink pandol (na pandol sya and he was wearing a pink shirt)
• pulbos (she was so fair like baby powder)
• frosty the snowman (a big flirt, murag prosti)
• pan (his name is a type of bread you can buy from Julie's)

And there are a lot of more jokes I share(d) with Uma W! We used to talk using one vowel only LOL! Everyday we choose what vowel to use. Cin yi rid this bibi? Ikiki! LIL!

Day 21: If I Die Tomorrow...

If I die tomorrow, I would regret not being able to smother my children with hugs and kisses just because I was too busy with house chores and deskwork. I would regret pouting the entire night just because my husband said a joke I could not take (because I'm PMSing). I would regret all things negative and bad...

1. Becoming a mother is the most significant among others. I cannot describe how ecstatic I felt when I held my babies for the first time. Each of them came with a grueling labor story. Their lives have define mine. And whenever they say "Mama", it feels like heaven on earth!
2. Getting married, twice, in 2003. For documents purposes, Mark and I got married through civil rights. I giggled and giggled throughout the entire ceremony. I just could not help it. It felt surreal that I was finally getting married. The second ceremony followed three months after, which falls on our tenth anniversary as a couple. It was intimate and solemn.
3. My engagement in 2003 was lovely! I feel like I'm the most beautiful girl in the universe when Mark asked me to marry him. It was by the beach, somewhere in Hong Kong, underneath the stars and the moon.
4. Papa's demise. Right before I left for my graduate studies, the doctors found a huge brain tumour on his left side. The sight of him blue after a seizure haunted me for many years. He died a little over two years since that happened. I still long for him. I still wonder how it must be for my children to enjoy their grandfather. I  see his smile and his sunny personality in my sons. I wish I asked for his recipes. I must stop now.
5. The year 2000 was both joyful and sad. I have never cried so much in my life until that day Mark left for the US to pursue his graduate studies. I was happy he got the opportunity but I was miserable being left behind. It was also that year that I was diagnosed with an ovarian cyst, which thankfully disappeared without surgery.
6. Opus Dei. I joined the prelate in 1997 but left a year after that. This is so personal and very precious. I was happy with my decision to become a numerary member. This means that I will devote my (single) life to doing apostolate and giving formation, while practicing my profession. However, I left because I can't stand to see Mark being with someone else. And I realized that becoming a parent is the greatest vocation there is.
7. UP Cebu. Best years! I was on the roll. I was so motivated. I was enjoying my time with my friends that I never want to miss school. I discovered myself. I graduated with honors and proved that I can do whatever I set my mind in to. This was when I felt like supergirl, not knowing the years after I'd be doing a million things with no help at all hehehe!
8. Betrayal(s). It hurts like mad. At that moment I thought I might as well die. And no, I am not going to discuss it here. Betrayal is universal. Almost always caused by someone dearest to you. Otherwise, you would not have cared at all. 
9. The Dark Ages. Looking back, I know I was in the pits. I barely noticed who I was and what became of me. I managed to be well and my husband survived it LOL!
10. Tupperware Days, not the fake friends you make but the ones you keep forever. Those were hot humid summers with huge boxes (and barely 80 pounds of us) and taking jeepneys! Who ever said that you cannot do enterprise with someone you care about? =P

Day 19: My Goal in Life

My goal in life is to make a difference. I pray that the little things I do will have a positive effect on other people, most especially to my sons. If they grow up to become wonderful men in their chosen field, I can die happy.

Day 18: The Person I Admire The Most

A saint? A queen? An actor? A writer? A hero? I don't really know. I have always thought that I am not wired to become a 'fanatic' of something or someone. I don't remember being crazy and passionate about things or people. Well, I take it back. A person made me crazily passionate. So, it is him that I admire the most! Yes, him. Need I say more? =P

On another note, I admire people who can love and appreciate people and things no matter what. I admire people who are forgiving and gentle. People who are generous with their time, money, and talent. People who do not whine about their misfortunes. People who do not blame their childhood of their screw ups and their neuroses. People who are brave. People who are almost always happy despite of whatever that come their way. People who do one million things a second and do it well. People who do not make excuses.

I wish to meet these admirable people someday, and (just maybe) become one too. 

Day 17: Something I Wish I Could Say To Someone

"Abi nimo gwapa ka?"

"Bright man unta ka..."

"Nganong kusog man ka manglibak?"

"OA ra kayo ka!"

"Astang bogo-a nimo!"

"Pino ra kayo ka ug panlantaw sa kinabuhi"

"Gi hilasan uroy ko nimo!"

"Wa lagi ka'y batasan"

"Pagklaro diha"
"Nayawaan na ko!"

****

I have more, but couldn't publish it. A lot of these pop like bubbles. I keep a lot of these inside my head. I usually don't like to cause trouble. But if trouble finds me, maybe that is another story =P

Fashion Rut

Nothing new. All neutrals. And I am tired of it!

Why can't I be more daring? 

I need to feel and look fabulous too!

The Stereotype

(Please add two babies kids here!)

"UP ka din, di ba?" 

Yup!

"Magna or Summa?"

Cum lang po...

"Anong natapos mo?"

Business Management

"Ay sayang naman at di mo nagagamit!"

Why? I run two businesses.

"Oh you work from home?"

I own my businesses and I don't work for anyone

Do you think I am wasting my time and talents because I stay at home? But, why? It is not brain numbing. It is not for the weak of hearts as well. 

Have you met me yet? So you know, I am the opposite of tall. The vertically challenged. The tiny peanut. I have always been this way. I used to be so insecure about my height. I wished I were maybe at least five inches taller. But over the years, I have overcome this. I have always felt tall no matter what. I am happy in my world. I am not even five feet. My height is similar to the ten and eleven year olds. I am just enough to sit in a car without a booster seat (required by law). So what if I'm short? =P

Day 15: What I Dislike About Myself

It is embarrassing how I can throw a fit. I am still a work in progress. I just hope that I will get better soon before I permanently scar my sons. I have a very bad temper especially when I lack sleep and when I am hungry. Mostly, I do this at the comforts of my "home". I guess it is where I can be myself, truly myself. I pity my boys. I feel guilty after every scream. It's not me! It's this nasty little brat that I could not kick out of my system.

Other than this hidden fury, I hate being so lazy and scattered brain. Why can't I just focus? Why can't I just sit and settle? Why can't I just do it? Why does it have to be later or tomorrow? Why do I keep doing this? This has to stop. 

Day 14: What I Like Most About Myself

I laugh, I cry.

If it won't kill me, it won't.

I used to love myself too much that it drove me to (perhaps) insanity. There were humbling circumstances which made me realize a lot of things about myself. It took awhile to accept and appreciate everything. Maybe wisdom comes with age after all.

I like the way I see things now. I like the way how I manage to stay happy despite of. I like how I appreciate every moment spent (breathing) with my family and friends. I like my (daily) resolve to become better. I like my struggle to be perfect. I like this sunny soul. And I pray that it will stay forever and ever.

www.myemospace.com

People survive heartbreaks and move on. I have nursed my broken heart. And I am no saint as well. But I do not want to dwell on these things. These do not make me happy. These do not make me proud. I know they made me stronger. I know they made me wiser. On the other hand, people break hearts as well. I have been sorry and will always be sorry for causing trouble. I will live my life living it as cheerfully as I could.

Day 12: A Wish, I Wish, Could Come True!

F.R.E.E.D.O.M.

from worries, sadness, sickness, betrayal, frustrations, anxiety, misery...

from laziness, procrastination, anger, greed...

from things and people that are not happy and good...

if only, if only

Day 11: Who I Can't Live Without?

I chose to be with him more than a decade ago. That instant, I knew I can't live without him. My forever is with him. I thought to myself that I can't imagine seeing him in the future, happily married to someone when that "someone" should have been me! Yes, ME! I chose him over a life without this family. Him, over a life without happy chaos. Him. Everyday is like living that dream we once shared, to be together...

A life without him would be walking without a limb. A face without a smile. A world without colors. 

I wish I had a crystal ball. I'd like to see what is in store for me and my family. LOL! Okay, so what will be my future like? I will tell you how I have always seen it:

• The husband and I will live in a condo at the heart of the city. Accessible to health care, restaurants, and theaters. We will enjoy our empty nesting stage watching musicales, concerts, movies, restaurant hopping, maybe running a marathon together (insert chuckles), and loving everything about life.
• We will have that nipa hut overlooking an ocean, and perhaps a little one too by the beach front.
• The boys will be wonderful with their vocation, whatever that maybe. They will be the best chef, rockstar, surgeon, artist, performer, etc. Their true love and passion will find them.
• Our business portfolio will take care of our medical needs, and luxury. It will also support a good cause. Hopefully it will outlive us and will become our legacy.

Day 9: Hopes, Dreams, and Plans for the Next 365 Days

Oh Lord, plans for next year!? Easy... I want to bring my family to Cebu for a long break and hopefully spend the holidays there! It would be lovely, it would be wonderful for the grandparents, aunts, and uncles. Along with that grand hope, are these:

• renovate the house in Cebu, if at all possible =)
• major portfolio revamp ;-)
• get back into shape, to squeeze into that little black dress!
• run a half marathon?

I pray that I will have the grace to accept whatever has been planned for us. "We plan, God laughs at us!"

Day 8: What's in My Purse?

I carry huge bags these days... shown above is my yellow purse I got from my birthday. Attached is a blinking Sketchers sneakers bag chain, I got from a Happy Meal hehehe! Inside is a red clutch that holds my tinted moisturizer, perfume, hand lotion, tinted lip balm, lip gloss, blush, mascara, lash curler, and tweezers. Other major essential is my black wristlet that carries my phone, card holders, coins, and some bills. I haven't used my wallet in a long time. I also carry my albulterol (that yellow thing with a spacer) all the time, sunglasses, the tissue pack which I got from Akio's first day in Kindergarten, Similac ready to drink bottle with a nipple ring and nipple.

Almost always, I just carry my wristlet, car keys, and sunglasses to run an errand. That has become my life! No time and space for fussing and whatnots. It all boils down to what is important. 

Day 7: My Worst Bad Habit

Should I say habits? I guess I am living with a few bad habits that I seriously want to kick out of my system.My laziness and procrastination work hand in hand ever since I could remember! If some thing -- a task or whatnot -- does not challenge nor motivate me, it may take a million years for me to get my bum going. There are days when I just want to curl up and do nothing or do things I feel like doing (whatever that may be). I can't live on a schedule nor a routine. It sucks my brain out. Although ironically, I am living a life full of schedules and routines because I just have to. In my lifetime, I have only a short window of doing whatever I feel like doing. Despite this nasty habit of putting things off for later, I thrive to achieve things that I want. I plan and almost always have control issues.

I hope to always do better. Every day I resolve to be less lazy. Every day, there are hours wasted over I don't really know. And every day, I thank God for the opportunity to begin again! I get pissed when I haven't done a thing or two in my daily list of to-dos. Chores, I despise with much passion... it does not love me back as well. The more I hate it, it piles up with vengeance! Sometimes I wish I weren't here, but if I weren't I'd be a different person and I would not know how to manage a household and take care of the kids hands on. And I would not have the luxury to play and nap with them hehehe! It is a gift to be at home with them, I just need to toughen it up.

I can't be lazy. I can't be idle. I can't be the devil's playground.

Note to self: Yes, sometimes it helps to occupy your mind and your hands! Otherwise, you'd wallow in self pity and sulk. You would think you have the worse life there is. You think you deserve better. You become ungrateful. You become sensitive and irrational. You pick on a lot of people. You blame everyone else but yourself. And craziness becomes very you!!!

Day 6: A Song That Makes Me Cry

I don't really know why, but these days I can just cry because... I am so tired, happy, sad, frustrated, mad, and etc. I cry because the kids are wonderful, my husband is such a treasure, and my friends are amazing. Some scenes from the movie or a TV show just makes me cry.... I was not a cry baby, until I became a mother. I don't know why that happened, but it just did. I have become softer and more compassionate (?).

So, what song makes me cry? A couple of years ago, I could not stop crying while I was singing this song to my oldest son. It was sort of "our song", we would sing it often during the day, right before he sleeps, and just to calm him down when he's fussy.

"You are my sunshine

My only sunshine

You make me happy when skies are gray

You'll never know dear

How much I love you

Please don't take my sunshine away..."

My dream house sits on a hill with an ocean view. It can be a small cottage or a nipa hut) with two bedrooms, huge windows, vaulted ceilings, wonderful bathroom, and a pretty kitchen. I am actually describing a getaway place for me and the husband. But it's not too bad to have! Hehehe! This cottage would sit on acres and acres of land, with lots of trees. Maybe, I'm thinking of retirement! LOL!

Day 4: Something I'm OCD About

Despite living in a constant mess in the house, I know I have my OCD tendencies. If only I have someone who would pick up after me and my kids... that would be great! But since there is no one but me, then I somehow stopped fussing about it. I am still alive! I guess I can't tolerate chaos and mess made by someone else. If you see our dining table now, oh dear! It's full of boxes, plastics, and papers. My husband told me it looks like a war zone LOL! No one goes there and dare touch anything, otherwise I'd go crazy-er!

So, what am I really obsessive about? Well, I would love to keep my house immaculate especially the bathrooms and the kitchen. But I am lazy or maybe am just not Martha Stewart... House chores bore me and feels like punishment (although I have to do them because I have to do them!). I don't know why, but I'd rather play with my kids, watch a movie, or create something.

Maybe I should just shift to talking about pet peeves. I can't say I have any OCD tendencies. In fact, I am far from it. I am a changed woman. I don't have any unnecessary requirement just so I can be at ease. So let's talk about things that make me go crazy. Yes, I have lots of them but I don't think I can go ahead and talk about all of them here...

• Whenever I see someone driving and on the phone... eyes on the road please!
• Any liquid spilled. It will make me scream and it does scare my children. I know it's nothing but what can I do? It's an impulse that I can't control!
• Clutter. My head would constantly spin. So if I don't clean, I'm mad, irritable, unpleasant, and yes crazy!
• I don't want to wait.
• Girls wearing skimpy clothes. I mean, how did their mothers approve of it? Just realized this over the weekend when I saw these high school girls (at the mall) fully made up for their homecoming. Come on! You can be very fashionable with a little more fabric. Ok, maybe I'm getting old.
• Shallow. Lack of depth. I want to elaborate but I can't. Let's just say I am choosy. 
• Bad customer service.
• Stinky whatever. It is still quite a challenge to change diapers to two babies a million times a day!
• Bad acting. Why be an actor in the first place? I know, right!?
• Promises that are made to be broken, should not be called promises! 

Maybe this is it for now...

Day 3: A Photo Taken 10 Years Ago

Most of my pictures are tucked in an album in Cebu. I wish I have them with me. Perhaps I will bring some back with me, the next time I visit. Good thing, I remember having this on file from my multiply blog. 

And yes, this was exactly 10 years ago! Sometime in September 2001 at The University of Hong Kong (HKU), Centre for Urban Planning and Environmental Management (CUPEM). This was taken during our lunch break, with my dear friends A & V (cropped on my right is J). Back then, the three of us were inseparable! A Filipino, Nepali, and a Chinese... yes, we three. A will be coming to visit me soon in October. V was just here last July. I miss us being together, having tea and noodles. It was such an adventure!

I remember them complaining every time we had to go to the washroom after lunch. They would have to wait as I brush my teeth, powder my face, and put lip gloss on. They called me a "lady" for fun! Because they thought I was too fancy for graduate school. All that change in a matter of months. The boyfriend then, who is now my husband, was surprised to see how I let myself go! LOL! He thought I have become too rugged . Oh well...

Another treasure I found in the study, is a picture with my superfriends from UP before I left for HKU. I actually miss those days where we go to a studio and have portraits taken hehehe! They gave this picture to me during my despedida.

Back in college, there were eight of us girls and a boy! I was the "manang", oh how silly! I was also the most stubborn and the control freak. It was either my way or hell! LOL!  I would like to think I have mellowed down (you think?!).

Now, all of us are godparents to each other's sons. In this picture is K, C, J, and L... missing are B, A, J, and C. I miss these ladies! I wish we can have our getaway the next time I visit. (Well, they have been traveling without me!).

I was 24 in these pictures. A life was waiting for me... I was hopeful for a wonderful future and certainly living it now. And yet I know that the future still holds so much for me, my husband, and my kids... I am grateful!

Day 2: 20 Favorite Things

"Raindrops on roses, and whiskers on kittens... brown paper packages, tied up with strings... these are a few of my favorite things!" NOT! It just popped when I typed favorite things. So really, what are my twenty top favorite things in this life? Am I really that detached that I can't think of any pretty quick? LOL!

1. Twix, tops my list. This never fails to make me smile. The husband surprises me with them once in awhile. Cheers me up after a long day! I don't know if I'd feel the same way if it's from someone else. Hmm...
2. Naturalizer Red Maryjanes. I got this pair from Cebu a couple years ago. I've been using it a lot! It's soft and very comfortable. And of course, it's red ;-)
3. Chewing gums. I'm addicted to it. I can't not have any in my purse. There was a time when my husband banned me from buying them. 
4. Pedicures. Yes, I love to treat my feet! It will be a guilty pleasure. I don't do it often these days because it's not practical.
5. TV online. Catching up on TV shows online is a bliss! My own time. It's either my personal time or my time with the husband. We have been hooked with Korean TV series lately.
6. Pearl studs. I love them! If only I can wear them frequently. The babies just love to play with them. I'm scared they may hurt my ears, or I might lose it without even knowing. And it's ultra special because its from my superfriends back in college!
7. Empire cut. I only have a few dresses in my closet, proudly so. Most of them are in this cut. Pardon my being boring, but I am not very playful nor adventurous with clothes. Also, I don't want to spend. Full stop.
8. Acuvue Oasys. These contact lenses for my myopia and astigmatism are awesome! If you are lucky with a 20/20, then you will never know why... back then, I'd get double vision and glares when I use ordinary lenses with my astigmatism. It also stays moist despite the very dry weather here.
9. Instant coffee. I am lazy to brew nor grind fresh coffee beans! Starbucks instant singles are pretty neat. Gives a nice kick without the hassle. Microwave a cup of water, pour instant coffee, add creamer... voila!
10. My phones. Both mobile and home phone are very substantial in this life along with its apps and various functions... need I say more?
11. Cake. I want my cake and I want to eat it too! This goes to all pastries and sweets... my meal is not complete without it. 
12. Spaghetti. Lately, I have been craving for that rich and savory tomato sauce! I've always been a fan. It used to be just for special occasions... but now, it is a staple in my pantry.
13. My bottles. The husband insists that I include the products in the bathroom in my top 20 favorite things. He keeps complaining that I have lots of them. Three to four bottles of shampoo, two conditioners, body scrub, facial wash, and body oil. This is actually nothing compared to how I used to live before becoming a Mrs.! I had a dandruff shampoo, conditioner, clarifying shampoo, another shampoo, body wash, facial wash, feminine wash, body scrub, etc! One time because I was in a hurry to go to class, I washed my face with Head and Shoulders (Menthol)! Oh dear, that taught me a lesson!
14. Burt's Bees Tinted Lip Balm. I am using Red Dahlia. Just a tint, perfect tint. Leaves my lips chap free. I haven't had lipstick in a long time. Somehow, I am not comfortable looking at my lips in a different shade other than its natural pink-ness. 
15. Nutella. Let's go back to food! Oh I love this hazelnut spread... on my bread, banana, crepes, crackers, etc. I have yet to try making fried dumplings with it. I have seen on Everyday Italian (Giada L.), she filled wanton wrappers with hazelnut, fried it, then sprinkled with confectioner's sugar. Since this household became peanut free, I have Nutella in my pantry in lieu of peanut butter (which I oh so love!).
16. Dolce & Gabbana Light Blue. I have been hooked to this scent since 2003. It makes me feel pretty, walay magbuot! Back then, it used to be Gap Dream... well I still love it until now, but I don't have any with me. 
17. Tank tops, PJs, yoga pants, sweat pants, tees, and pretty funky socks. I love them! Mostly gifts from my fairies... 
18. Scented candles. If I will have it my way, I would light a candle daily. I have scented candles from almost five years ago. LOL! I light them when I cook fish, dried fish, and other related stinky dishes. The best so far for the kitchen is the Bath and Body Mango Pineapple! According to my husband, it has an appetizing scent! Hahaha!
19. My kitchen, bedroom, and bathroom. My favorite places in this house. I wish I can use my tub every so often. It has now been conquered by the boys! It has bath toys and etc! My rule: No toys in the kitchen! This will have to extend to my bedroom as well. Just so, I want my own space!
20. And the last but perhaps not the least favorite is --- green mangoes! And now we're back to food again hahaha! I want my mangoes sour. Note that as I type, I am salivating! Gosh! I want them sliced into thin small pieces covered with sugar and salt! OH MY GOOSE! WAAAH! Kalami!

Day 1: A Picture That Makes Me Happy!

They make me happy!

They drive me crazy-happy!

They are L.O.V.E.

Not Me

It has been awhile since my last period. All I could remember was being pregnant all my life! Oh well. Some are very lucky to not go through with this. Some are even unfortunate to be even more miserable than I am. This pain is mine. Not just the cramping but the things that come with it. It hasn't been well for me. I wish it will go away. Please, not me. I have so many things to do and they/it are very impatient and they/it cannot wait for me to sulk, to wallow in this pit. 

Off That Chair!

All these chaos and all these pain should go away if I'm physically capable of keeping up with my own thoughts. You see, my beautiful mind is at it again. I am holding on to dear sanity. Maybe, I can't do it all (just yet). Maybe, I can manage my energy better if I'm healthier. Oh yes, that need to be healthy. It's been a battle. 

I have been inspired to run by a lot of friends and of course by my husband who used to compete in the tracks back in the day. While I have been lazy all my life, with the boys I find myself panting  for air whenever I chase them around the house. Often, I would just collapse for a few minutes in the couch (err power nap) because I just can't move anymore due to exhaustion. I can't have that yoyo energy.

Perhaps the good side effect to this goal is fitting into my pre-baby clothes. And maybe, just maybe it ill boost my esteem... and make me an even more happier mom, wife, and friend.

I will start today. Please follow my health blog and help me reach my goals!

30-5

The love of my life turned thirty five yesterday. We had a mini party here! Believe me, having three is a party altogether... We made no fancy plans, the sitters were booked. So, I made a simple dinner and a huge cupcake. Candles, courtesy of the boys. They were more excited for their Dad. All it takes to have a lovely party - Akio helping me with the cake, Miro behind Akio (jumping up and down), Raio now the noise maker (yeah he is at that stage). Sesame street songs in the background. LOL!

As soon as I served the spaghetti, Miro reached for the bowl and shrieked "aaaaahm, aaaaahm!". Yes, he loves spaghetti a lot among other things! I'm glad it turned out perfect for the birthday boy... He enjoyed it as much as we all did. We had fried chicken wings and some salad too. But the highlight was the banana butter cupcake which was un-decorated. Well, he liked it that way.

With everyone on sugar high, even the littlest one who only had soy formula, it was hard to tuck them to bed. It was their party after all (too bad Akio forgot to make the hats!). So, we had movie night - The Never Ending Story! To our surprise, Miro say through half of it considering he hates tv (except short clips of Elmo).

I'm glad I made him smile, when he opened his gifts, before his special day ended. Useful things never fails. He was glad he was remembered! But of course! He got three pieces of pj pants which he loved.

Now, we will have leftovers the while day! ;-)

Love

My prince.

Dreaming the Dream

So it was a four day holiday for us... but my mind wasn't.

It went everywhere, from the chaos I see around the house to that dream vacation.

And then my thoughts took me to places and events...

Visualizing a wonderful future? Wishing to make things happen?

Escaping from chores? Perhaps.

My body does rest. My mind, however cannot. Ever.

My Turn

Argh! Yes, it's my turn.

I am not super human.

I got my sons' leftover germs.

No sick day, no sick day.

Achoo! God bless you!

Cake heaven, where are you?

Perspective

Your life ain't that bad, maybe your attitude is.

A Plenty...

As always, my thoughts can do marathons.

Saturday

The husband and the big brother left for the school carnival.

I decided to stay with the babies. It's their nap time and they couldn't enjoy it yet, anyway.

I could just nap too. But, how can I? When  there is chaos everywhere LOL!

Where is that darn magic wand when I need it?

I feel like driving to the creperie, have my nails and hair done, grocery, etc.

Ah, I need some girl friend time... where are you ladies of my life?

Hope you have a wonderful and fruitful weekend =)

Jump Start

The babies woke up earlier than usual,

so I took them for a short walk after we dropped Kuya at the bus stop.

A ten minute or so power walk pushing the stroller, and carrying a sling.

I need to get moving. This is the start of wonderful mornings ahead...

Today, I TRIED to straighten out this ghastly chaos around me.

Order of the material things, order in my heart.

Sounds like cleanliness is next to Godliness. 

I still have a lot of things to do, but at least it's less of an eyesore now.

The upper floor is another story to be told LOL!

There is no greater reward than TWIX at the end of the day!

A surprise from the love of my life. Thanks, Dad =D

Re-Engineering

It's my afternoon tea time, or so, while waiting for my big boy to finish his snacks...

I am itching to redecorate the house. The last time I fussed about all these was almost five years ago.

Picture shown, grabbed from ikea.com, as an inspiration.

I want everything white with a splash of red. Although I know it would be quite a feat to do so....

Maybe, I'd paint our bathroom and bedroom. Maybe.

Maybe I'll get a new area rug. Hmmm.

Good Morning!

I have decided that this is going to be a wonderful day!

Freshened up, a little. Sent off the big boy to school. Babies' diapers are changed.

The big baby is now having his breakfast. Will start our fifteen minute preschool lesson in a bit.

Little baby is napping. Will bathe him once he wakes up.

The house in chaos will soon be straightened up, I hope.

I breathe, and it's a gift! Good morning y'all!

I Choose Happy

To start with my resolve to feel pretty and happy inside out... I post this picture to remind myself that happiness is a choice. These days, I always feel tired even when I just wake up from a nap. Something could be wrong. It could just be stress. I am using albuterol to breathe a little better. I hope to start walking this week and who knows, maybe I can run a marathon someday. I need to swim. I need to start eating well.

The goal is to be well. And it all starts in the mind. So no matter how chaotic the house is now, I should not mind and should not go crazy. I will hold on to sanity. I have a long list of to dos... I will try to do it one at a time. Enough of sighing, whining, and complaining. Life is good... it's always been beautiful =)

To Resolve

...to feel pretty, inside and out...

...to be healthy and happy...

Pause

When life begin, you take a pause. The whirlwind, the madness, the fun, the chaos... it's overwhelming. Sometimes some things got to give. Often times it's me. Yes, me. My loonies. They haunt me when I can't get a grip of myself. When breathing exercises seem futile... and it does not help when you lack sleep and miss meals too! Oh well.

Life goes on... it helps when you simply pause. Nothing will happen. The world will still go on. The babies will be fed, they will be taken care of. I savor the weekends. I indulge a little. I am not alone in the house. And when Monday strikes, it's back to the rigodon again... the dance to madness, well hopefully I'd get the hang of it.

It's exhausting to see myself like this. So, count your blessings Therese and be happy!

Girly, Girly

In a fashion rut. I envy ladies who know how to dress up. They accessorize. They paint their faces. They mix and match items from their closets. To begin with, I have no 'closet' to speak of. Oh, I am boring! Most of them are in blacks, greys, whites, a little pink and blue. Almost always in empire cut, puffed sleeves, and again boring.

A long time ago, when I used to work in an office, I "forced" myself to get something to wear. Shopping always happen when I don't have clean clothes to wear anymore. Shopping happens when there is an immediate need. And how I hate fitting stuff! Clothes, I prefer to just grab what I feel like or I stay in the fitting room and ask the sales lady to grab me some stuff that I may like. Shoes, I can't find a size. So if it fits, I will buy it.

Nowadays, it's another story. I live on my shirts and jeans. The shoes I have are mostly bought from Cebu whenever I get to visit. I prefer buying yoga pants, sports bra, and sneakers. I'd rather have my hair in pony. I need to be mobile and comfortable. Honestly, I couldn't wear heels now. If you want to punish me, then give me those killer stilettos. I promise I will wear them, but only when we're together LOL!

Make-up, I used to be such a fanatic! I subscribed to fashion mags just to know what's new. Oh, the obsession! My huge kit is now replaced by a small clutch filled only with a tinted moisturizer, gloss, blush, and mascara. I don't know if I will buy or hoard an entire collection... (which reminds me I just broke my face powder!).

All these fashion ek-ek, I wish I can master. I wish I'd look fanatbulous everyday! But really? It's so exhausting! I'd rather focus on being healthy, first and foremost. I need to take care of my triglycerides, my waist, my weight, my skin... and I guess I'll be beautiful on whatever I will wear. Nyehehehe!!!

(I wonder what made write this. I don't know. I would rather buy stuff for the kitchen and whatnots)

Lead

Are you a leader? A follower?

Are you a daredevil? Or a coward?

Do you set trends?

Be a leader. Be BOLD.

Be inspired. Inspire.

What's Up

How are you?

I am sore. I am exhausted.

All these comes with motherhood.

Oh, but when you see this face everyday...

It just feels like magic!

Hope you had a wonderful mother's day ;-)

I WISH

No candles to blow, but a big piece of cake to devour...

I am grateful for the simple things and for the people who matter in my life!

My heart is overflowing with love and joy!

Thank you for blessing me with your warmth and prayers,

for your wishes and for your love...

Thank you for trekking with me, and for being a witness

to all my mishaps and misadventures...

Thank you for being my constant,

for holding my hand when I needed it most...

Thank YOU for the so many blessings you've showered me all these years =D

Home...

... is where the heart is! All this waiting, me visualizing, this year this not so little family will be sharing a home elsewhere. Not here, but somewhere out there... on a different time zone, a familiar scene, delicious food, and etc.

... is where I will share a joyous adventure with my boys! I couldn't wait where God will take us next! I am excited! Something tells me it might be a really awesome trek...

... is where ever as long as I'm with you! Thanks for being mine! =)