Brain Check

The past few weeks I feel like I'm in someone else's body, someone else's mind, someone else's life... have you ever experienced that? I do not know what has become of the woman that I am. I blamed it to my monthly period, but it's too much of a stretch already! I wonder if I need to have my brain checked, seriously. Must be because I stopped going to the gym, hmmm. Or perhaps because I have been missing out on sleep... I feel like I'm shrinking, like that of a prune... oh wait, raisin. Yes, a raisin. Shriveled. Ugly.

My migraines are back with a vengeance! Three days of torture. Three days where I wish I were somewhere else. Agonizing days. But, in the name of Lent I shoveled the snow from the driveway in the hopes of getting that darn endorphin! I did this because I seem to not skip meat on days that matter. Alas, I got all aches all over minus the happy hormones! I was trembling in the cold, but sweating. I could not move anymore. My back hurts, my legs are wobbly, and now my arms feel like I trained to beat Manny Pacquiao! What is with all these fatigue?

Ah, fatigue. I should sleep earlier. I know I was happier when I did that. I should do that. I should.

Dear Love

I wish I had a beauty queen's body and height. A milky complexion with fine pores. I wish I can afford to maintain frequent trips to the dermatologist, the spa, and the salon. I wish to be able to indulge to all these vanity. Yes, vanity.

I fantasize about a smaller waistline, if those extra inches could just be added to my height... it will be awesome! I have a lot of self loathing going on. And why is that? I don't know. I just feel nothing like glamorous. I feel dreadful. I don't like to look at the mirror. I have painted my face daily for a week or two and stopped. It's exhausting to put up with that. I wish I'd come out perfect straight from my bed.

Who am I kidding? Yes. Vanity. It is vanity.

I wish I have a room-ful of fashionable clothes to wear. Shoes and bags to match them. Accessories to prettify me even more. Like an eye candy. Like a trophy wife. LOL! But, really?

Can someone please hire me a personal shopper? A stylist? I really don't have a clue. It eats me up always when I go through my clothes and absolutely everything is ghastly. I am ashamed. Although it feels liberating not to be attached to all these vanity.... I wish I can have more of what I have now.

Perhaps, a fat bank account. Where budget is unheard of... I can buy whatever that fancies me. Trot in heels and kick ass. But most of all, to have that time and energy to be with the kids... that kind of vanity. Where I don't have to think about anything else other than myself and my boys.... I wonder when that will happen.

For now, the dishes await. The office is screaming! It needs to be tidied up (what an understatement). And my mind, some hibernation from thinking of all these crazy things.

It was good to fantasize until it lasted LOL!