I could almost hear insanity rocking my world at several times. There are things that overwhelms me. There are things I wish I could do right away. There are people I wish to see and talk everyday. There are times when I just wanted to be by myself. But I am a whole bunch rolled into one piece here. I know I want to be busy, but not really crazy busy. I wanted to be busy to be not crazy.
And so when I got sucked in into my obsessions of doing things right and well, I have neglected to do other things that are basic of my existence. I failed to take care of myself.
There is really something wrong with the way I see things, the way I see myself. I am very harsh and very unforgiving. I am too mean to myself. Everything has to be done my way, my whims... otherwise, I'd be a failure. Otherwise, I'm as useless as stale meat.
How do I even begin to make a balancing act? I know a lot of women have done this. It's always tricky for mothers and wives. We can never stop fussing about other things. When there is work outside the household it doesn't make motherhood any easier. Marriage and relationships get shaken when the woman gets too busy. It's exhausting.
As much as I want to cry and console myself, what good will it do really? I'm glad he is very supportive. He will take on chores. But what chores am I wiling to relinquish to him? And there goes my obsession again...
Thank for paying attention.
2 comments:
i HEAR you.
haaay, the last argument adrian and i have was about him doing the washing (dishes). i told him i need space in the kitchen and not do things i can do as im not disabled...na hurt siya,hahaha=)
i know what you mean, its hard to balance, and be perfect at the same time,haha=)
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