Day 7: My Worst Bad Habit

Should I say habits? I guess I am living with a few bad habits that I seriously want to kick out of my system.My laziness and procrastination work hand in hand ever since I could remember! If some thing -- a task or whatnot -- does not challenge nor motivate me, it may take a million years for me to get my bum going. There are days when I just want to curl up and do nothing or do things I feel like doing (whatever that may be). I can't live on a schedule nor a routine. It sucks my brain out. Although ironically, I am living a life full of schedules and routines because I just have to. In my lifetime, I have only a short window of doing whatever I feel like doing. Despite this nasty habit of putting things off for later, I thrive to achieve things that I want. I plan and almost always have control issues.

I hope to always do better. Every day I resolve to be less lazy. Every day, there are hours wasted over I don't really know. And every day, I thank God for the opportunity to begin again! I get pissed when I haven't done a thing or two in my daily list of to-dos. Chores, I despise with much passion... it does not love me back as well. The more I hate it, it piles up with vengeance! Sometimes I wish I weren't here, but if I weren't I'd be a different person and I would not know how to manage a household and take care of the kids hands on. And I would not have the luxury to play and nap with them hehehe! It is a gift to be at home with them, I just need to toughen it up.

I can't be lazy. I can't be idle. I can't be the devil's playground.

Note to self: Yes, sometimes it helps to occupy your mind and your hands! Otherwise, you'd wallow in self pity and sulk. You would think you have the worse life there is. You think you deserve better. You become ungrateful. You become sensitive and irrational. You pick on a lot of people. You blame everyone else but yourself. And craziness becomes very you!!!

Day 6: A Song That Makes Me Cry

I don't really know why, but these days I can just cry because... I am so tired, happy, sad, frustrated, mad, and etc. I cry because the kids are wonderful, my husband is such a treasure, and my friends are amazing. Some scenes from the movie or a TV show just makes me cry.... I was not a cry baby, until I became a mother. I don't know why that happened, but it just did. I have become softer and more compassionate (?).

So, what song makes me cry? A couple of years ago, I could not stop crying while I was singing this song to my oldest son. It was sort of "our song", we would sing it often during the day, right before he sleeps, and just to calm him down when he's fussy.

"You are my sunshine

My only sunshine

You make me happy when skies are gray

You'll never know dear

How much I love you

Please don't take my sunshine away..."

My dream house sits on a hill with an ocean view. It can be a small cottage or a nipa hut) with two bedrooms, huge windows, vaulted ceilings, wonderful bathroom, and a pretty kitchen. I am actually describing a getaway place for me and the husband. But it's not too bad to have! Hehehe! This cottage would sit on acres and acres of land, with lots of trees. Maybe, I'm thinking of retirement! LOL!

Day 4: Something I'm OCD About

Despite living in a constant mess in the house, I know I have my OCD tendencies. If only I have someone who would pick up after me and my kids... that would be great! But since there is no one but me, then I somehow stopped fussing about it. I am still alive! I guess I can't tolerate chaos and mess made by someone else. If you see our dining table now, oh dear! It's full of boxes, plastics, and papers. My husband told me it looks like a war zone LOL! No one goes there and dare touch anything, otherwise I'd go crazy-er!

So, what am I really obsessive about? Well, I would love to keep my house immaculate especially the bathrooms and the kitchen. But I am lazy or maybe am just not Martha Stewart... House chores bore me and feels like punishment (although I have to do them because I have to do them!). I don't know why, but I'd rather play with my kids, watch a movie, or create something.

Maybe I should just shift to talking about pet peeves. I can't say I have any OCD tendencies. In fact, I am far from it. I am a changed woman. I don't have any unnecessary requirement just so I can be at ease. So let's talk about things that make me go crazy. Yes, I have lots of them but I don't think I can go ahead and talk about all of them here...

• Whenever I see someone driving and on the phone... eyes on the road please!
• Any liquid spilled. It will make me scream and it does scare my children. I know it's nothing but what can I do? It's an impulse that I can't control!
• Clutter. My head would constantly spin. So if I don't clean, I'm mad, irritable, unpleasant, and yes crazy!
• I don't want to wait.
• Girls wearing skimpy clothes. I mean, how did their mothers approve of it? Just realized this over the weekend when I saw these high school girls (at the mall) fully made up for their homecoming. Come on! You can be very fashionable with a little more fabric. Ok, maybe I'm getting old.
• Shallow. Lack of depth. I want to elaborate but I can't. Let's just say I am choosy. 
• Bad customer service.
• Stinky whatever. It is still quite a challenge to change diapers to two babies a million times a day!
• Bad acting. Why be an actor in the first place? I know, right!?
• Promises that are made to be broken, should not be called promises! 

Maybe this is it for now...

Day 3: A Photo Taken 10 Years Ago

Most of my pictures are tucked in an album in Cebu. I wish I have them with me. Perhaps I will bring some back with me, the next time I visit. Good thing, I remember having this on file from my multiply blog. 

And yes, this was exactly 10 years ago! Sometime in September 2001 at The University of Hong Kong (HKU), Centre for Urban Planning and Environmental Management (CUPEM). This was taken during our lunch break, with my dear friends A & V (cropped on my right is J). Back then, the three of us were inseparable! A Filipino, Nepali, and a Chinese... yes, we three. A will be coming to visit me soon in October. V was just here last July. I miss us being together, having tea and noodles. It was such an adventure!

I remember them complaining every time we had to go to the washroom after lunch. They would have to wait as I brush my teeth, powder my face, and put lip gloss on. They called me a "lady" for fun! Because they thought I was too fancy for graduate school. All that change in a matter of months. The boyfriend then, who is now my husband, was surprised to see how I let myself go! LOL! He thought I have become too rugged . Oh well...

Another treasure I found in the study, is a picture with my superfriends from UP before I left for HKU. I actually miss those days where we go to a studio and have portraits taken hehehe! They gave this picture to me during my despedida.

Back in college, there were eight of us girls and a boy! I was the "manang", oh how silly! I was also the most stubborn and the control freak. It was either my way or hell! LOL!  I would like to think I have mellowed down (you think?!).

Now, all of us are godparents to each other's sons. In this picture is K, C, J, and L... missing are B, A, J, and C. I miss these ladies! I wish we can have our getaway the next time I visit. (Well, they have been traveling without me!).

I was 24 in these pictures. A life was waiting for me... I was hopeful for a wonderful future and certainly living it now. And yet I know that the future still holds so much for me, my husband, and my kids... I am grateful!

Day 2: 20 Favorite Things

"Raindrops on roses, and whiskers on kittens... brown paper packages, tied up with strings... these are a few of my favorite things!" NOT! It just popped when I typed favorite things. So really, what are my twenty top favorite things in this life? Am I really that detached that I can't think of any pretty quick? LOL!

1. Twix, tops my list. This never fails to make me smile. The husband surprises me with them once in awhile. Cheers me up after a long day! I don't know if I'd feel the same way if it's from someone else. Hmm...
2. Naturalizer Red Maryjanes. I got this pair from Cebu a couple years ago. I've been using it a lot! It's soft and very comfortable. And of course, it's red ;-)
3. Chewing gums. I'm addicted to it. I can't not have any in my purse. There was a time when my husband banned me from buying them. 
4. Pedicures. Yes, I love to treat my feet! It will be a guilty pleasure. I don't do it often these days because it's not practical.
5. TV online. Catching up on TV shows online is a bliss! My own time. It's either my personal time or my time with the husband. We have been hooked with Korean TV series lately.
6. Pearl studs. I love them! If only I can wear them frequently. The babies just love to play with them. I'm scared they may hurt my ears, or I might lose it without even knowing. And it's ultra special because its from my superfriends back in college!
7. Empire cut. I only have a few dresses in my closet, proudly so. Most of them are in this cut. Pardon my being boring, but I am not very playful nor adventurous with clothes. Also, I don't want to spend. Full stop.
8. Acuvue Oasys. These contact lenses for my myopia and astigmatism are awesome! If you are lucky with a 20/20, then you will never know why... back then, I'd get double vision and glares when I use ordinary lenses with my astigmatism. It also stays moist despite the very dry weather here.
9. Instant coffee. I am lazy to brew nor grind fresh coffee beans! Starbucks instant singles are pretty neat. Gives a nice kick without the hassle. Microwave a cup of water, pour instant coffee, add creamer... voila!
10. My phones. Both mobile and home phone are very substantial in this life along with its apps and various functions... need I say more?
11. Cake. I want my cake and I want to eat it too! This goes to all pastries and sweets... my meal is not complete without it. 
12. Spaghetti. Lately, I have been craving for that rich and savory tomato sauce! I've always been a fan. It used to be just for special occasions... but now, it is a staple in my pantry.
13. My bottles. The husband insists that I include the products in the bathroom in my top 20 favorite things. He keeps complaining that I have lots of them. Three to four bottles of shampoo, two conditioners, body scrub, facial wash, and body oil. This is actually nothing compared to how I used to live before becoming a Mrs.! I had a dandruff shampoo, conditioner, clarifying shampoo, another shampoo, body wash, facial wash, feminine wash, body scrub, etc! One time because I was in a hurry to go to class, I washed my face with Head and Shoulders (Menthol)! Oh dear, that taught me a lesson!
14. Burt's Bees Tinted Lip Balm. I am using Red Dahlia. Just a tint, perfect tint. Leaves my lips chap free. I haven't had lipstick in a long time. Somehow, I am not comfortable looking at my lips in a different shade other than its natural pink-ness. 
15. Nutella. Let's go back to food! Oh I love this hazelnut spread... on my bread, banana, crepes, crackers, etc. I have yet to try making fried dumplings with it. I have seen on Everyday Italian (Giada L.), she filled wanton wrappers with hazelnut, fried it, then sprinkled with confectioner's sugar. Since this household became peanut free, I have Nutella in my pantry in lieu of peanut butter (which I oh so love!).
16. Dolce & Gabbana Light Blue. I have been hooked to this scent since 2003. It makes me feel pretty, walay magbuot! Back then, it used to be Gap Dream... well I still love it until now, but I don't have any with me. 
17. Tank tops, PJs, yoga pants, sweat pants, tees, and pretty funky socks. I love them! Mostly gifts from my fairies... 
18. Scented candles. If I will have it my way, I would light a candle daily. I have scented candles from almost five years ago. LOL! I light them when I cook fish, dried fish, and other related stinky dishes. The best so far for the kitchen is the Bath and Body Mango Pineapple! According to my husband, it has an appetizing scent! Hahaha!
19. My kitchen, bedroom, and bathroom. My favorite places in this house. I wish I can use my tub every so often. It has now been conquered by the boys! It has bath toys and etc! My rule: No toys in the kitchen! This will have to extend to my bedroom as well. Just so, I want my own space!
20. And the last but perhaps not the least favorite is --- green mangoes! And now we're back to food again hahaha! I want my mangoes sour. Note that as I type, I am salivating! Gosh! I want them sliced into thin small pieces covered with sugar and salt! OH MY GOOSE! WAAAH! Kalami!

Day 1: A Picture That Makes Me Happy!

They make me happy!

They drive me crazy-happy!

They are L.O.V.E.

Not Me

It has been awhile since my last period. All I could remember was being pregnant all my life! Oh well. Some are very lucky to not go through with this. Some are even unfortunate to be even more miserable than I am. This pain is mine. Not just the cramping but the things that come with it. It hasn't been well for me. I wish it will go away. Please, not me. I have so many things to do and they/it are very impatient and they/it cannot wait for me to sulk, to wallow in this pit. 

Off That Chair!

All these chaos and all these pain should go away if I'm physically capable of keeping up with my own thoughts. You see, my beautiful mind is at it again. I am holding on to dear sanity. Maybe, I can't do it all (just yet). Maybe, I can manage my energy better if I'm healthier. Oh yes, that need to be healthy. It's been a battle. 

I have been inspired to run by a lot of friends and of course by my husband who used to compete in the tracks back in the day. While I have been lazy all my life, with the boys I find myself panting  for air whenever I chase them around the house. Often, I would just collapse for a few minutes in the couch (err power nap) because I just can't move anymore due to exhaustion. I can't have that yoyo energy.

Perhaps the good side effect to this goal is fitting into my pre-baby clothes. And maybe, just maybe it ill boost my esteem... and make me an even more happier mom, wife, and friend.

I will start today. Please follow my health blog and help me reach my goals!

30-5

The love of my life turned thirty five yesterday. We had a mini party here! Believe me, having three is a party altogether... We made no fancy plans, the sitters were booked. So, I made a simple dinner and a huge cupcake. Candles, courtesy of the boys. They were more excited for their Dad. All it takes to have a lovely party - Akio helping me with the cake, Miro behind Akio (jumping up and down), Raio now the noise maker (yeah he is at that stage). Sesame street songs in the background. LOL!

As soon as I served the spaghetti, Miro reached for the bowl and shrieked "aaaaahm, aaaaahm!". Yes, he loves spaghetti a lot among other things! I'm glad it turned out perfect for the birthday boy... He enjoyed it as much as we all did. We had fried chicken wings and some salad too. But the highlight was the banana butter cupcake which was un-decorated. Well, he liked it that way.

With everyone on sugar high, even the littlest one who only had soy formula, it was hard to tuck them to bed. It was their party after all (too bad Akio forgot to make the hats!). So, we had movie night - The Never Ending Story! To our surprise, Miro say through half of it considering he hates tv (except short clips of Elmo).

I'm glad I made him smile, when he opened his gifts, before his special day ended. Useful things never fails. He was glad he was remembered! But of course! He got three pieces of pj pants which he loved.

Now, we will have leftovers the while day! ;-)

Love

My prince.

Dreaming the Dream

So it was a four day holiday for us... but my mind wasn't.

It went everywhere, from the chaos I see around the house to that dream vacation.

And then my thoughts took me to places and events...

Visualizing a wonderful future? Wishing to make things happen?

Escaping from chores? Perhaps.

My body does rest. My mind, however cannot. Ever.