Summer 2009. Cebu, Philippines
Last night, it was like flood. I cried until I got tired. Maybe it is the hormones (a very safe excuse), maybe it's all these overwhelming emotions, thoughts, and worries the past few days. I read my old notebook (journal like) where I wrote poems and letters for my husband, plans, budget and expense account, work stuff, and what have yous.
It was heartbreaking to read all that longing. I remember how I cried that very night he left for the US in 2000. We kept the faith, held on to the dream that we will soon be together someday, and optimistic about the wonderful surprises the future awaits for us. He wrote once "the future holds so much for us..." and we believe it until now.
Then I stared at him, sleeping peacefully beside me. We are together now! We are living the future we once talked about. Now, we have a different set of struggle -- chores, errands, bills, kids, investments, retirement, family -- our life! He takes out the trash, does what I ask him to do and calls me the queen now (used to be princess), wakes up when I am hungry or when the little one needs to go potty in the middle of the night, and most of all for letting me be.
I cried because I merely wasted so much time getting crazy and stupid. There were times when I was so ungrateful of what I have. Several of them resenting him, how could I? Why did I even think of that? I was so sorry for having to put him through it. I was adjusting, I was finding myself amidst all these... I wish I just enjoyed it fully and did not spend time entertaining the idle thoughts of the devil.
Now, almost six years... it is still amazing! I love this man so much! I thank God for giving him to me. This year, we will be at our son's school for his Christmas program and that already is quite a celebration for our little family together with my bump (our little munchkin).
I pray that things will get even better in the years to come. I hope I will not go through periods of self doubt and insecurity anymore. Oh please, I want to keep my groove forever and ever!
7 comments:
nice kaayo ang photos che=)
youre so right..please stop thinking negative thoughts..esp now that youre pregnant=) time now to choose positive..eradicate those "what ifs" and "what could ahve beens"...i know its easy for me to say,but in reality its hard... but i also know, kaya na nimo..
i sooo loved our "short conversation"..unsaern, timing kaayo ting dinner na,hahaha..i'll call you tomorrow=)
i look forward to your phone call =)
***
yes, we should try to be on top of our thoughts. it's useless to worry, it doesn't solve anything.
finally maka comment ko. =)
stop worrying. sakto ka. you are very very very blessed.
don't cha worry T.. things will be better, brighter, more exciting.
We missed you yesterday over lunch.
Happy Six Years! Negatives thoughts are sometimes unavoidable, and they're ok as long as we don't let them slow us down. Keep counting your blessings--you have a whole lot of them! And there's so much more to come! :-)
Thank you ninyo!!! if naa pa lang mo diri mag hikay gyud ko arun fiesta. kapoyan man ko mangimbitar diri uy! among mga suod nanglangyaw na. pastilan...
T, i love reading this entry! how come we didn't talk about this during our phone call this afternoon? chikahi nya ko ha, on our next phone call?
:-)
Post a Comment